In the UK alone, between 400 and 500 children are born through surrogacy each year. For many intended parents, surrogacy is a journey that starts with hope.

This is a feeling which may arise after years of fertility treatments, loss, and difficult decisions. It can also be accompanied by relief as surrogacy can offer a new path to parenthood. Emotional tensions are completely understandable and not something all parents can make sense of until they’ve been through a journey like this themselves. 

“Surrogacy is not just a medical process, it’s an emotional journey that unfolds over time. Intended parents often experience a complex mix of hope, anxiety, and attachment. Recognising and validating these feelings is key to building confidence and connection as they move toward parenthood.”

Dr. Emma Collins, Fertility Counsellor (UK)

Hope Mixed with Uncertainty

Intended parents are often entering an unfamiliar process. There are two types of surrogacy: gestational and traditional. Gestational surrogacy is when the embryo is created using IVF and implanted into the surrogate. Traditional surrogacy uses the surrogate's egg, which is fertilised with the intended father's sperm or donor sperm. There may be hard conversations and medical planning with both routes. Each step in the process can bring reassurance, but it can also raise new questions. Will everything go to plan? Will the match feel right? Will the pregnancy be successful? How will it feel to become a parent through someone else carrying your baby?

In the early stages, surrogacy can feel emotionally intense because so much matters, but lots also remains unknown. You may feel excited one day and completely overwhelmed the next. You may feel guilty for not being able to relax and enjoy the experience more. These reactions are normal, and you shouldn't put yourself down for feeling them. What is most important is recognising these emotions.

This is when support systems can play a key role. Support can come in different forms, either from people you care about or surrogacy groups, offering stability when it’s needed most. A space to share all your feelings can make a world of difference.

Building Trust

At later stages, many intended parents grow trust. You're putting your parental future in others' hands, and that can be daunting. New trust in medical professionals and your surrogate. It can be difficult. 

Intended parents can feel invested in the pregnancy while also experiencing a physical distance from it. It can help to acknowledge that attachment does not have to look a certain way. Bonding can begin long before birth through communication, involvement in milestones, preparing the home, and imagining life with their baby. 

There are often emotional milestones along the way. Hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. Seeing a scan image. Sharing the news. Planning time away from work. Each moment can bring a mixture of excitement and vulnerability. In these moments, you can make them into memorable markers. 

When It Starts to Feel Real

As the pregnancy continues, anticipation tends to become stronger. This is often the stage where the future begins to feel more real, and emotions can move out of the fight or flight stage. Parents start choosing names and nesting in the home. The practical preparations can be joyful. They can also make everything feel more emotionally immediate.

Waiting can be one of the hardest parts of the surrogacy journey. There may still be worries around pregnancy progress, birth plans, travel arrangements, or the uncertainties that naturally come with any pregnancy. Even positive milestones do not always remove anxiety completely.

For some intended parents, this phase is filled with a strong sense of not wanting to get ahead of themselves. For others, it's the first time they allow themselves to believe: this is really happening.

Both responses are valid.

Becoming a Parent

Birth is often imagined as the final stage, but emotionally, this isn’t always the case. Becoming a parent after surrogacy can create a mix of emotions. Intended parents may feel thankful, relieved, and anxious all at the same time. There isn’t one right way to feel. 

One question some surrogacy parents have in mind is whether bonding will happen naturally. It’s important to remember that attachment is built through loving and repeated closeness. Touch plays a key role in bonding. Newborns feel calm when they sense the warmth and heartbeat of their parents. For many new parents, baby wearing can become a way to foster this closeness. Keeping a baby close in a sling or carrier allows parents to build connection through touch, movement, and shared calm. At the same time, it supports a baby’s sense of safety.

Brands like Hana Baby focus on creating soft, supportive carriers designed to make the early days feel a little easier. A well-fitted sling can help distribute weight comfortably while allowing parents to navigate daily life with their baby close against them. This is something truly beautiful. For surrogacy families, it offers a unique way to build physical closeness in the early stages of relationship-building. 

A Journey of Many Feelings

Surrogacy is a journey that involves different stages of emotions, from hope and joy to uncertainty and vulnerability. Don’t forget that there’s no “right” way to feel. Your experience is your own, so don’t compare it to anyone else's. When your baby arrives, connection won’t depend on how the journey started, but on the love you build day by day.

Written by Rosie Buckley